Speeding in South Africa

On a previous visit to South Africa I had been warned of creeping police corruption, usually low-level stuff but disheartening for anyone who knows the country, and was alert to the possibility.  Maybe too alert.

Early in 2014 we were driving a section of the Johannesburg-Durban road, near Swaziland, that has frequent changes of speed limit as it passes between open country and small but scattered local communities surrounded by commercial forestry plantations.

A traffic cop appeared on the road.  “Hello, sir! Oh, you are in trouble here!” he said cheerfully, showing me the reading on the radar gun – 97 in an 80km limit. “You must cross the road to see my sergeant.”

A large sergeant sat in a picnic chair by the car - well-pressed uniform, gun, shiny shaved head. 

 - “Eh, this is very bad for you, my friend.  The fine is 500 Rand.”

 - “I’m very sorry, I’m not South African and I’m not used to the roads.  No excuse, I know.” (a bit of a fib as I have been to SA many times and used to live there).

 - “Oh, a visitor? Let me see your license and passport, - ah, British, eh? I should take you to the police station and fill in many forms, it could take a long time.”

(‘should’? ‘could’? - conditional, need not happen?)

 - “That sounds complicated.  Is there no other way?”

Narrowed eyes. 

 - “What do you suggest?”

(Uh-oh, attempting to bribe a policeman is certainly a worse offence than speeding).

 - “Ooh, I don’t know how stuff works here, I’m just a tourist.”

 - “Maybe I should just fine you here, eh?” Enigmatic smile.

A long pause – maybe he is also wondering who is going to initiate something we both know neither of us should be doing.  Should I get my wallet out?   Then,

 - “Tch. This is all too much trouble just for a tourist.  Just go, but slow down man, hey?”

 - “That’s very kind of you, thank you very much.”

 - “I’m a very kind sort of guy, sir, welcome to South Africa.”

I May Be Talking To Myself

I have mixed feelings about the title of this blog.  

On the one hand astonishment that it had not already been taken and on the other trepidation that by borrowing the title from the work of one of the greatest British writers of modern times I risk setting myself up for a fall.

In the end the availability of a catchy name overcame both risk aversion and admiration for Orwell's skill, which I'm afraid sounds a lot shallower than I would like to think I am.

Anyway just to give the great man full credit, if you are interested in the original and infinitely superior version of As I Please, it was a series of articles which appeared in "Tribune" between 1943 and 1947 which, according to the wikipedia entry,

"...allowed Orwell to digress freely over whatever topics came into his mind, including reminiscences, nature observations, gleanings from books and thoughts on the political situation. Each article roamed from one theme to another without any need for formal continuity but had no title indicating the content"

You can find the As I Please articles in the Collected Essays, Letters and Journalism.  Even if you don't agree with his politics, or if the subject matter seems distant in place and time from your experience, I promise you will enjoy the clarity of expression.

My reasons for writing the blog are necessarily more humble.  I aspire to write and am engaged in a course to teach me.  My tutor tells me I should write every day and that a good way of doing that is to write a blog.  So here we are.

Whereas I am only quite new to writing, the technology and tools of blogging have hitherto been a completely closed book.  So it will be a while no doubt before this is embellished with whizzy links, photos and clips.  Meanwhile just words on a page.

But the title is apt because if I am to write daily then at the current state of skill I am going to need to "digress freely over whatever topics" etc. So sometimes a diary, sometimes stories, sometimes commentary.  And I will try to stick to Orwell's rules of writing:

• Never use a metaphor, simile or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
• Never use a long word where a short one will do.
• If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
• Never use the passive where you can use the active.
• Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
• Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous

I have probably already broken several of them above.  Give me a break, I'm learning.

Until later.